Preface to Repose of Death
No one knows the joy of life except he, who is crushed by severe anguish…
No one knows the secrets of existence except he, who was trampled down by time’s incidents, thus melting him by its fiery flames—incidents that bring maturity within the melting pot of life through harsh experiences.
No one knows the meaning of happiness except he, who sheds many tears emanating from a broken and injured heart by all the long and wretched days that turned on him…
Happy is the one that gets fate to smile for him after being his adversary, for only then that he feels the joy of life and tastes its pleasant sweetness after bitter and deadly experiences…
Just when the soul can no longer take the pain of days of ever-increasing calamities that reach the collarbone, it seeks death and is glad to face it without any fear and with a true desire that cannot be denied and no obstacle to stop it. At that point, time will melt the bitter suffering of the individual and teaches him the secrets of life and its hidden and unknown purpose…
God would have forgiven the most serious of sins had any human being wept as much as I have wept, was inflicted by what I have been inflicted with, and suffered as much as I have suffered…
Yes, God to forgive him for any transgression he committed had he suffered the pains that my deserving soul had suffered—a soul that knows nothing of happiness other than by its name…
I would cry during the dark nights without anyone knowing…I would observe the incidents behind the veil of time on a hope they would grant me what I long for, but it was in vain! For fate wished this for me and there is no rescinding to its harsh and irrevocable judgment…
Then there is the consoling wisdom of the famous French poet Alfred de Musset that consoles me a little when he said: A person is not considered alive unless he suffers, for without suffering he is dead. However, my dear Alfred, a long lasting, realistic, materialistic, and palpable truth is agonizing to the soul and spirit, so I hope it is not long lasting…For my body is too weak to withstand life’s violent shocks that destroyed my health and almost killed me…
When I hurt the feelings of an individual in a stinging verbal attack, one of my faithful friends told me: “You have an elevated temper to an exceeding degree, and I have never seen anyone who is as hot tempered”. This is a reality that I don’t deny, for I am what my friend said that I am, however, I defend myself in saying: Every sensitive soul may defensively utter things well before the other individual in the conversation brings up. This is a known phenomenon to anyone who has knowledge of psychology. It was fate that rendered a judgment on me that I suffer from severe psychological anguish—that is so harsh that it devastated my soul and heavily burdened it beyond its capacity.
So, with a pain-ridden soul that I write these lines.
With an excessively impacted soul that I scribe what I scribe…
With an ever-increasing sadness that I explain what I need to explain…
With a deluge of tears flowing from my eyes that I ink my quill.
With a pulsating and confused heart that I express the pains and hopes of my soul…
This is what my senses feel, this is what I can accomplish, and the one who writes to entertain is not like the one who writes to relay the truth by depicting his anguish and expressing the desires and inclinations of his soul.
My heart beats with love for beauty, and the one who realizes the secret behind beauty would have taken many steps towards understanding the secrets of eternity and immortality…The one who is far removed from possessing a love for beauty, would not understand the meaning of life or the unknown eternity. For love, opens the door to comprehension of what was closed to human beings—yes, it is none other than love!
As to this strange vision that I wrote, it was nothing but an image to certain conditions and changes that happened to me after specific incidences of happiness, sadness, pain, anger, sorrow, tearfulness, calmness, joy, and other human inclinations that are frequently experienced by everyone!
I have written it while I was under the influence of a strong, capable, and invisible force that inspired me to write and express what lives in the deepest part of my soul from deep suffering, happiness, harsh and bitter complaints, tearful sorrows, and many others…
So, my writings came across in a natural way without embellishment or artificiality! Truth be told, I did not hold my pen to write whatever I wanted to write without thinking and reflecting, rather, I felt an invisible calling to engage in this subject, so I acquiesced to the invisible whispers and felt a strange invisible force move my hand to write. The thoughts gushed to my imagination forming orderly words written by inspiration and came sequenced, coordinated, complete, and referring to noble meanings and broad imaginations—a happy playing ground for the spirits…
The touching of these magical fingertips that I felt when I wrote these lines continue to have an influence on my soul and arouse my astonishment thus causing the soul within me to throb in confusion and agitation.
O invisible fairies of imagination! I wish I can live with you so that I can taste happiness until intoxication, however, that’s not possible as long as I am encumbered by the burden of my material body…
For that young woman that inspired me to write this vision, in my opinion, is more beautiful than the houris of paradise and the goddesses of beauty and indulgence.
Her smile is more beautiful than the smile of angels…
Her eyes are more beautiful than the eyes of the oryx,
Her musical voice, to my ears, is more delightful than hearing the waterflow of the rivers of paradise…
I close my eyes and I see her in front of me looking at me with her sleepy thick eyeliners singing to me the song of love and passion, rather, the song of youth’s burning passion. I remain in a state of imagining her close form that is distant from real life. Then I see her surrounded by the houris of the forest and the fairies of the prairies whose beauty far exceeds theirs…
They danced in front me flirting, joyful, happy, laughing, swinging, and singing to me songs that have never been heard before by anyone except the great gods…
Only at that moment that I float along with the young ladies of the gods to the beyond, where my soul saw everything, the secrets of eternity and the end, the meaning of love and hate, life and death, and what is immortality. My soul was shaken in prestige and glory by the awe of the unknown eternity and I asked them to send me back, so they carried me, as a group, and retuned me to earth…
They remained with me long in order to bid me farewell and each one placed a kiss on my lips. They hovered above the thickening clouds while I burn in the searing flames of their love, and I opened my eyes to find myself lonely without companionship—except for the deadly solitude. So, I ask God to end this agonizing life of mine and to reunite me with the one, whose love captured my heart, overwhelmed, and drowned me, with no one else to save me…
Yes, this vision that I wrote is nothing but a figment of my imagination, for it is:
The songs of nightingales, the sound of pigeons, and the mourning dove calls
The songs of a glorious morning and an azure evening
The nature in a vivid spring day crowned with jasmine and lilies
The dew droplets on the widely spread narcissus of the fields
The breeze that strokes the hair of young blush maidens
The song of a lover to his beautiful beloved
The lessons from nights and time
The product of ages and generations
The song that the ears never bored with
The tune of nature and its hidden secret
The lyre that only lovers play
The secret that is known only by a few
The reminiscence after I passed the years of youth
The solace after my hair turned grey
The puffs of a sad young man
The revealer of the inner secrets of my soul
The depiction of the pains that I endured because of her, and still do
The representation of my smiles and tears, sorrows and happiness
The resemblance of the houris of paradise that are only seen by the gods!
The paradise of my hopes that I reside among its never withering flowers
The visualization of all motions and tendencies
The inspiration from my beloved young woman (Diana) that competes with the goddess of beauty (Aphrodite)
The book of “Repose of Death” or “Between the Bosoms of Eternity”
Dr. Dahesh